Dear Chuck,

I’m tired of watching my sisters bum off my grandmother’s generosity. They ask her for money for everything, even though they are married and should be supporting themselves. It looks like financial abuse to me. I have kept silent, but I really hope you can give me some tips to be ready to speak up.

Protecting My Grandmother from Financial Abuse

Dear Protecting My Grandmother from Financial Abuse,

As with every question, I always wish I had more context, such as ages, financial condition, motivations for the requests, etc. However, there are some principles that I think will be helpful to you and to anyone who has witnessed a similar situation where an elder appears to be financially abused.

While this does not fall into the category of fraud, it is particularly hard to watch a family member’s generosity being misused. It is a difficult situation for you to be in. Let’s look at some principles and then determine whom you should speak to and how to address this without condemning your sisters.

What the Bible Says

It is good that your grandmother wants to help. The Bible encourages generosity. Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” God honors a willing and open heart, but discernment must be exercised. Scripture calls us to give and care for others while wisely stewarding resources. That involves setting healthy boundaries.

Generosity was never meant to enable dependency when someone is capable of taking on responsibility for themselves. The Apostle Paul addresses this issue directly in 2 Thessalonians 3:10: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” This is not meant to be harsh. It clarifies the difference between helping someone in genuine need and supporting someone who avoids responsibility. When generosity becomes enabling, it can harm the person you think you are helping.

You do not indicate whether this generosity is harming your grandmother’s finances. Regardless, God entrusts us to manage what He provides. Luke 16:10 reminds us that faithfulness in small things matters, including time, energy, and finances. When a relationship is draining resources in an unhealthy way, it is time to reevaluate whether you are actually helping.

Boundaries are not unloving. They are often necessary to truly help in the spirit of love.  Galatians 6:2 says to “carry each other’s burdens.” Then, in verse 5, it says each person should “carry their own load.” Both are true depending on the specific circumstances. We help to relieve a burden but not to carry what someone else is responsible for long-term.

How You Can Help

Practically, this may mean having an honest, respectful conversation with your grandmother. Keep your sisters out of it, and speak to her about your concerns for her well-being.

First, express your concern for her. Try to determine if she is giving out of love or out of guilt, pressure, or fear of conflict. Second Corinthians 9:7 reminds us that giving should be done willingly, not reluctantly or under compulsion. Ask if she would like you to help her set limits on what she can and cannot continue to provide. My guess is she may be giving to many others who ask and not just your sisters.

Demonstrate how she can lovingly decline the requests while also offering guidance, accountability, or temporary assistance with clear expectations. Present options that the church, city, or county offers in the way of financial help for family members if cutting them off entirely seems inappropriate.

Finally, help her trust God with the outcome. She is not the ultimate provider for your sisters. God is. Help her understand that setting boundaries is not abandoning someone. It is trusting God to work in that person’s life, even in the discomfort and change. It is commonly called “tough love,” but it is actually just expecting others to grow up and take responsibility for their finances.

Teach Them A Better Way

The solution isn’t just protecting your grandmother’s finances; it is also a matter of helping those who keep asking her for money with building skills, confidence, and accountability. With the right support and a willingness to grow, most people find dignity in living free of the handouts of others.

If your sisters are truly struggling with their finances, offer to help them learn to manage their finances. Some people genuinely struggle to grow up and live independently, and it’s rarely caused by just one issue. More often, it’s a combination of things that causes financial problems: bad habits or addictions, entitlement, incorrect mindset, lack of direction, or mental health issues.

Many in today’s culture face financial instability. Housing and medical costs, debt, and inconsistent income can make financial independence feel out of reach. A person who does not know how to budget, save, or manage money well, even with a steady income, can struggle to make ends meet.

Some people are held back because they lack life skills. Managing bills, buying groceries, preparing meals, maintaining a home, or handling unexpected expenses are not always taught. Without those skills, independence can feel overwhelming. When someone lacks confidence or self-discipline, they may struggle to move forward. Years of bad habits like overspending, procrastination, or avoiding accountability only reinforce that cycle.

Scripture speaks to both responsibility and growth. Proverbs consistently highlights diligence and planning, while Galatians 6:5 reminds us that each person is responsible for their own load.

I hope the conversation with your grandmother goes well and you can be a catalyst for change to help your sisters become better stewards of their finances as well.

Crown has many biblically based, practical, and empowering courses and studies that can help your family find financial freedom. Learn how to be a faithful financial steward of the resources God provides.

This article was originally published on The Christian Post on May 29, 2026.