Today on MoneyLife

I'll be answering a listener email question today. It's a question from a wife who is not in unity with her husband.

I get more of these kinds of questions than any other; most are from wives, a few from husbands. They want to know how to get on the same page financially with their spouses.

The question we’re going to talk about today focuses on an acute problem. My heart goes out to this person and all others struggling with a disconnect in their marriage. I'm going to spend some time today talking about things the Lord says will bring us into unity.

Here's the question:

"My husband has worked on and off throughout our marriage. I have carried most of the burden of providing for our family over the 18 years. When my husband has worked, he wants to buy new things. Then when he is out of work, we have to depend on family members to help, or, I am ashamed to say, we have filed bankruptcy twice during our marriage.
 
"My husband is not looking for work. He doesn't want to look. He has even told me and others in our family that he is not going to.

"I don't want to usurp my role as his helper, but I feel God is telling me that taking care of my children and getting out of debt should be my focus.
 
"So how do I handle this burning desire to stop the spending and take care of my family when my husband just isn't on board? Is it ok to take the lead in this aspect?"


My heart goes out to this listener. It grieves me that this man won’t take care of his family. The man is responsible for going to work whether he has a high or low-paying job. I believe it is right for you to take a stand in this case.

First, ask your husband to pray out loud with you everyday. This will tell you a lot about the spiritual situation. You learn what’s in a person’s heart when they pray. Set up a time when you can pray together.

Second, ask your husband if he’ll approach finances God’s way. Let him know that you think God’s way is better than man’s way. If you condemn him and make him feel like a failure, it will work against you. Ask him to discover God’s way with you and follow it.

Third, let him know that you will help in any way possible, so your family can be blessed. Let him know you don’t want to live in violation of God’s principles. Even if he doesn’t want to do it, he may allow you to take the lead if you ask respectfully/

But there are bigger issues here that I want to talk about. When people are in this situation, they are usually trying to get their own way. Disagreements between spouses are going to happen because one person doesn’t get what they want. We get trapped trying to solve our own problems, which is humanism.

The solution for such quarrels is to turn to God and ask Him for help. God’s economy will give you a framework, a structure for being unified about finances. It will help bring you together. Key verses to help you:

• 1 Timothy 5:8
• James 4:1-2

Those are things to do when both spouses are believers. But what if your spouse is not a believer? Don’t divorce. Sanctification means you’re set apart.

You're set apart when you believe in Jesus Christ and apply the truth in God’s Word. Even in a home with an unbeliever, the family is blessed by a faithful believer. If your spouse won’t listen, continue to be faithful; God will bless your family.

Speak the truth in love to your husband or wife. Man is prideful and doesn’t want to feel like a failure. Nagging won’t be successful. Women often see the truth clearly, but don’t always share it in love. Affirm your love for your husband and ask him to work with you.

The Bible says to submit to your husband. I know that may not sound appealing. Man can’t resist someone who is submissive. It usually melts the hard of a proud man.

Turn to God and ask Him to help you reconcile your quarrel. Speak out and share the truth in love. Submit to your husband. Key verses to help you:

• 1 Corinthians 7:12-13
• Ephesians 4:15
• Proverbs 21:9
• Ephesians 4:15

Often there is more to a financial issue than meets the eye. We don’t have all the answers. I want to point you to the source of truth that has lasting solutions, God’s Word.

When there is a financial problem, it's most important to save the marriage and family. That happens when there is unity.

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The Crown Reunion this year will be held at Ridgecrest Conference Center in Asheville, North Carolina. All listeners are invited to come.

The Reunion will be Thursday, November 19 – Sunday, November 22. It's a time when the Crown family gets together to equip and encourage one another to serve. We'll hear testimonies of what God is doing all over the world.

The deadline to register is Thursday, November 12. You can register online or by phone at 800-722-1976.

Husband-Wife Communication about Finances

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God's Minimum Financial Standards for Couples

God’s Word provides standards for managing money that are essential for marital unity.

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Financial Authority

Financial authority in the home is one of the most misunderstood principles facing today’s Christian family.

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When Spouses Disagree on Financial Matters

What should a married person who is a Christian do when his or her spouse doesn’t want to tithe or budget?

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Other Resources:

• ABCs of Money Package
• Career Direct
• God's Principles for Operating a Business
• Business By the Book
• Crown Mvelopes