We depended on them for nearly 20 years - for security, guidance and love. We looked to them for approval, support and praise. They are our parents. Although it is hard to accept, our parents will come to depend on us.
Realizing this is the first step in providing for our parents the way they provided for us. The next steps, however, aren't always as easy. How can we carry out our parents’ wishes if we don’t know what they are? When we discover what they are, or are faced with making those decisions ourselves, will the financial, legal and medical arrangements be in place? How do we approach these sensitive issues?
Although many elder Americans worry about their wellness and financial stability, a recent AARP study found that they aren’t talking about their concerns with their children.
The study surveyed a cross section of more than 1,400 adults, ages 30 to 64, with at least one living parent age 65 or older and more than 1,000 adults, age 65 or older, with at least one adult child between the ages of 30 and 64. Findings revealed that nearly 70 percent of older parents think about their ability to live on their own, but more than a third of them do not talk about what they will need with their adult children. Similarly, 75 percent of adult children think about their parents' ability to live independently, but more than 30 percent of them do not discuss it with their parents.
“These numbers are disturbing because they put both aging parents and their children at risk for financial and emotional hardship,” said Suzanne Boas, president of CredAbility. “In the case of a health or financial crisis, you need to have a clear plan of action.”
CredAbility counselors advise developing an understanding of your parents’ expectations for their advanced years. Create a legal and financial profile for each parent that includes a list of assets and liabilities. Ask them for the names of their bank, insurance and investment companies. At the very least, help or encourage them to collect important papers – such as medical records, social security information and financial files – and put them away for safekeeping.
“When you have an understanding of your parents’ financial state, you are able to help them make informed decisions,” Boas said. “It isn’t prying or snooping if your motivation is simply to provide the best care for the ones you love.”
How important is this sort of planning? Ask yourself some key questions, and if you find yourself stumped, ask your parents, too.
- Is your mother living on a fixed income that requires a strict budget?
- What is your father’s stance on assisted living facilities?
- Will there be enough money to cover medical expenses in the coming years?
- Are there any medical directives or preferences for treatment their doctors should know about?
- Do both of your parents have a will? Where are they kept?
If you are concerned that your parents will take offense, there are a number of approaches you can take. Tell them about a friend who could have better cared for her aging father if she knew more about his financial state. Present the issue in the context of your own planning, asking advice on your own long-term financial arrangements, medical preferences and so on. Refer to a recent family experience such as a relative moving in with her children or into an assisted-living center to gauge their opinions. Most importantly, make sure they realize that your main priority is to ensure their comfort and security. To help them and to feel good about your role in their lives, you need to discuss financial and health issues now.
It may also be helpful to make a list of your questions to organize your thoughts. Remember to tackle the topics of housing, finances and insurance in your conversation. Together, you and your parents can decide whether a home, apartment or transition to an assisted-living facility will best serve their needs. You can help them contact a financial planner or develop a budget to ease financial concerns. The discussion will also provide the opportunity to assess your parents’ insurance policies to ensure their coverage and effectiveness.
Your parents always took care of you. Talking to them about financially security now will help you take better care of them later. If you need help with budget planning, contact CredAbility for a free, confidential budget counseling session. CredAbility’s professional certified counselors can provide an unbiased assessment and also offer information on programs helpful to senior homeowners, such as reverse mortgages.
About CredAbility
CredAbility is a nonprofit, community service agency dedicated to empowering people to achieve a lifetime of economic freedom. CredAbility provides free, confidential budget counseling, community and personal money management education, debt management programs, and comprehensive housing counseling. Contact CredAbility by phone at 1-888-771-HOPE (4673), or visit the Web site.
