Responsibility of the parents
Parents are called by God to be the teachers of their children. It is not an option. It is a biblical admonition. Parents need to teach, encourage, and guide them faithfully. But when parents make decisions for their children and push them, they misuse their influence, which could result in alienating the children. Biblically speaking, parents have been given a special trust to serve as stewards or managers of their children. Unfortunately, some parents view their role as owners rather than as stewards, an attitude that causes many parents to have problems and conflicts with their adult children.

Even though parents are called by God to be teachers of their children, they are not responsible for the decisions their children make. Each person is held accountable individually. However, parents will be held accountable for their children's instruction and training. As such, there are three basic principles that are applicable to adult children.

• Adult children need to understand God’s principles. They need to know that they can trust God to take care of them, that He can meet their needs, and that He can be trusted to work out their finances. “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, but happy is he who keeps the law” (Proverbs 29:18).
  
• Love adult children but do not coddle them. “For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father, the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 16:26).
  
• Allow adult children to fail. Sometimes parents must allow their children to fail. Some of life’s most valuable lessons are learned because of trying and failing. Love them enough to allow them to fail so that they can learn from the failure.

When and how to help
Larry believes that too many parents attempt to buffer their children financially. This usually makes the problem worse. He cautions parents not to give their children more than they can handle. Let them know that more money won’t help them change their spending habits, which is what must be done. Parents may have the greatest motives for helping their children, but sometimes they encourage them to be dependent on parents rather than on God. If God is trying to teach the children discipline and parents step in, the children may have to go through it all over again. Parents sometimes have to take upon themselves the role that God has often taken with His own people: allow problems to come into their lives and withhold finances to increase their dependence on Him. 

Although there is nothing wrong with helping adult children if they are truly in need, if the income is adequate and it is being mismanaged, parents need to let their children know that although they love them any financial help must be contingent on the children establishing a workable budget and getting good counsel to help implement it. Parents need to be cautious, however, and allow God to lead them in a manner that will not thwart His purposes in their children’s lives.

Whether parents should direct some of their assets toward the home mortgages of their children is one situation for which parents will need some wisdom and discernment from the Lord. There is nothing unscriptural about helping adult children purchase homes, but parents have to weigh the personalities, abilities, and attitudes of their children to ensure that they do not spoil the children. The ministry believes it is optimal for every family to have a debt-free home; so, helping adult children purchase a home can be a great blessing to them if parents can afford it. But they must be sure that they are not trying to control their children’s lives. If the adult child is a married daughter, parents should be careful not to usurp her husband’s authority. If stepping in will cause the son-in-law to feel that he is an inadequate provider, parents may need to back away.

Nevertheless, parents today can have a major impact on the futures of their children by assisting them with the purchase of a home. Often times the children can make the payments that a mortgage loan requires, but they have difficulty meeting the down payment and the many closing costs.

A way for parents to help their children purchase a home is to give them money toward the down payment. Most banks demand that this help be in the form of a gift, not a loan. In most cases, unless the gift equals 20 percent of the sale price, the lending institution will demand that the child contribute at least 3 percent of his or her own funds. If the parents are able to give 20 percent, the child does not have to contribute money to the down payment, but the parents may face difficult tax consequences as a result, because the IRS has very specific requirements for cash gifts to family members.

If the child is getting an FHA-insured mortgage loan, he or she can use gifted money from parents for 100 percent of the down payment and closing costs. Even if the parents' gift is less than 20 percent of the purchase price of the home, the child can use all of it to pay the down payment and closing costs.

Conclusion
It is never too late for parents to begin teaching their children about finances—particularly God’s principles of handling money. If parents find that their grown children are having financial difficulties, this may be a good opportunity to help them get good counsel and make their financial help to their children contingent on the children establishing a workable budget and seeking good counsel to help implement it.