"You are the third person I've talked to today!" an agitated Tina exclaimed. "I have already called two other national ministries and all I've heard is ‘Trust God!' Nobody seems to understand!"
Tina's husband had deserted her when she was pregnant. He came from a wealthy family, headed by a controlling mother who made Tina feel unworthy. "I'm fed up with everybody, and especially my so-called Christian in-laws!" Tina bellowed. "My mother-in-law told my husband to leave and get custody of our baby. I was laid off last month and it's costing a fortune to fight them! I don't need to hear pat answers. I need help!"
As a financial ministry, we hear from desperate people all the time. Many of them are suffering from poor financial decisions. Others suffer from uncontrollable circumstances, like the loss of a job or an unwanted divorce. In most cases, we can help them avoid financial bankruptcy by using biblical principles to handle their money. However, many of them cannot make the decisions required, because they are also bankrupt emotionally.
As I listened to Tina, I was reminded of the time when I felt bankrupt financially and emotionally. I was out of work for almost two years, working temp jobs when they were available, and on and off welfare. I couldn't pay rent and was in a financial mess. "It's easy to forget when you're past it," Tina reminded me. She was right. I was far removed from my past. Listening to her, I remembered the desperation and hopelessness.
Few had "been there" then. I thought it had to be my fault. What was I doing wrong? I repented constantly and begged God for money that didn't come. I begged for work and rarely got it. How did I get through that time, and how was I going to help Tina now?
Perspective
I agreed with Tina that it wasn't fair. I reminded her that God knows what it's like to feel misunderstood and abandoned. However, her trial is no surprise to God. He allowed me to go through it and He may have a reason for her situation.
Blessings
I reminded her of the simple childhood song that puts things in perspective: "Count Your Blessings." I asked Tina what she had to be thankful for. That wasn't something she wanted to focus on, but she conceded that she did have her daughter, salvation, a place to live, and a good job offer in another city.
Grace
I reminded Tina that God forgives and chooses to forget. I encouraged her to forgive herself and her spouse and family for her circumstances. She would have to leave the past in the past to move on.
I believe this is what people mean when they say, "Trust God." Just saying it doesn't help. It takes a strong, persistent faith to trust God when people and circumstances are yelling failure in your face. It takes someone who has been through her own emotional bankruptcy, trusting God for a better life.
Once she felt understood and validated, we could deal with Tina's other issues. Was the new job the right job for her? Yes, she decided that relocating would help her distance herself from her in-laws. She would pack up what she could in her car and store the rest with friends. We told her of a church with a single parent ministry that may help her find a place to live and we gave her the name of a volunteer budget counselor who will help her set up a budget on her new income. Possessing perspective, blessings and grace, she no longer is feeling bankrupt. How about you?
Originally published in Living Solo magazine, Spring 1999. |
